I Dream of Frohawks
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Dogs Really Like TLC
This is quick. Basically, the main plot of the dream is that I couldn’t find my TLC “CrazySexyCool” album, and I was freaking out. I lived in a really great apartment (I don’t) and I had like two huge Greyhounds and a couple of small dogs for the fuck of it. I looked over and out of habit of feeding the dogs, saw that they were gnawing on the liner notes and the actual CD instead of actual food in front of them. I also couldn’t find “Fanmail” or “Ooh! It’s on the TLC Tip”. So crazy.
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Dolly Parton Needs to Pee
I went to Disneyland for the first time the other day, and that night I remember having a particularly INSANE dream about meeting Dolly Parton. I was with my friend, June, and we were walking to get tacos in Echo Park (or somewhere like it?), but then we walked past this bookstore and there were all of these Dolly Parton posters everywhere saying like “DOLLY PARTON SIGNING AT 5PM!”. We both kind of freaked out and I remember calling my mom or something, but then we just ran in the store and waited, but nobody was there, and Dolly was sitting on the edge of this table, biting her nails and tapping her heels, while her assistant was like, chewing gum. People were in the bookstore and everybody was just shuffling around, looking at magazines and drinking coffee and stuff, and NOBODY was in line for Dolly. June started thinking this was like, a drag queen named Dolly or something, but the store promoter lady was all like “Dumbass, it’s DOLLY MOTHER FUCKING PARTON” and stuff. We were like, “uh, okay, where the fuck are her fans?” (to ourselves) and stuff, and I remember like, eating a scone or something? Anyway, like, we started walking towards Dolly and the assistant was yelling in this heavy ass voice “THE SIGNING DOESNT START UNTIL 5” or something, and I pushed past her and was like “DOLLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, then like, all she said was:
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m not ready yet. I have to pee.”
I’m all like, uh, okay. Then the assistant like, grabs my hand and is like, “Browse the store, sir!” and June is like, mortified. Then we started singing?…or humming or something? It made Dolly really fucking nervous I guess, so she went to the bathroom. But then like, June followed her? And was like…”It’s 5pm. Come out!”, but Dolly was like, NOT LEAVING the bathroom. Then I remember it was like, super late at night (because duh, time jumps in dreams) and Dolly came out and was like “I am SO hungry.” and left. It was basically the best dream ever. Also, at some point, June was like, fistfighting the assistant? And she looked like Rosie Perez, but italian and short? She had on like, chola gear. Super cute.
I think I was dreaming of Dolly because I heard Jolene at some point that day, and kept thinking about going to Disneyland with her.
